Recently my parents came to stay with us from Melbourne. We actually managed to survive four nights in cramped close proximity to each other, being woken early by little people and sharing the bathroom. Luckily and surprisingly no blood was shed. Though I suspect when my parents returned home they slept solidly for two days straight. Little boys are exhausting to the untrained.
Before they left my mother informed me that she had hidden an 'Easter Treat' for the boys on the very top shelf of the pantry. A treat in the form or two little golden Lindt bunnies, complete with red ribbons and jingly bells around their delicious little necks. I sighed. For I knew as well as anyone that those bunnies were in for it. It was only a matter of time.
At the moment I am on a mission to exercise my way back into all of my pre-baby clothes and hopefully also into the "Normal" range of the BMI. At the moment I am not doing too badly. I've lost near to three kilos and also dropped three centimetres from my butt and seven from my belly! How do I do this, you ask? Well I have a lot of tricks up my fuscia sleeves, but the most helpful one is also the simplest. Do not buy junk food. If you can get through that challenge then you're most of the way there. If you can manage to avoid buying crappy chocolate, chippies, chocolate busicuits et al from the store when you do your weekly shop, then you're through the hardest part of it! For if it's not in the house it is much easier to avoid. There are times when one feels compelled to venture out in search of junk food. But this is usually only when I'm tired and my body is craving energy foods, like sugar. But luckily because I'm tired, I am usually opposed to leaving the house.
But when junk food walks willingly into my home, who am I to control myself?
For the first few days it was fine. I knew they were there. Staring down at me with their little bunny eyes from their safety perch in the pantry. But they were safe. wrapped in white tissue paper, a protective veil between me and them, testing my maternal instincts. Could I really eat my children's easter bunnies? Surely not. It would be like steal ing candy from a baby. Literally.
Then came the first bad day. One of those days where the kids keep fighting. As soon as your back is turned they scratch and kick and bite each other. Any attempt to do anything other that stare them down is met with violence and tears. It was that night whilst they were asleep that I went to the pantry. I took a breath and reached up for those dastardly rabbits. I unfurled them from their protective gossamer and there they were. Two cute little bunnies, all big eyed and shiny, staring up at me saying, "Please don't eat us". Then they jingled. I couldn't do it. I felt a huge maternal tug in my uterus and I just could not bring myself to eat the bunnies of my baby boys. I wrapped the pesky rabbits up again and placed them back up on the shelf where they would be safe and settled for a handfull of nuts with my cup of tea.
I wish I could say that they bunnies remained safe on that top shelf. But I can't. A week later there was another bad day. The worst in quite a while. Not only was I in the midst of menstruation but the boys were also on form. My youngest had decided to scratch every single child he came in contact with, directly in the eyes. He'd also taken to throwing every meal at me or onto the carpet, only to cry for food as soon as we left the house. The eldest ripped a giant chunk of wallpaper off his bedroom wall. And when I told him off about it he told me to "just fix it Mum, duh". To top it all off, the Lover-man was home late, leaving me to manage feeding time at the zoo, which is messy and often life threatening.
It was that night that I broke. I waltzed right on up to that pantry with gusto but deep down I was sure that the maternal pull that stopped me the other bad night would return. It didn't. Then things get a little hazy. All of a sudden I was standing there with the corpse of a golden bunny jingling furiously in my hand, my mouth filled with his sweet sweet chocolately flesh. Oh no, I thought, What have I done? I was just about to put the bunny back up and pretend nothing had ever happened when I heard a noise behind me, I turned and there was Lover-Man, watching me from the door way with a smirk on his face. That blasted jingling had given me away!
"I don't know what happened" I said, my mouth still full of chocolate.
"Sure you don't" said Lover-man" Go on, give me some"
But the good news is, now that both bunnies are dead and gone I'm back on the straight and narrow!