I'm sorry. I am truly sorry that I ever doubted you.
I don't know what came over me. For some reason, I thought things would be better without you.
I was in a rut. I felt glum and murky and my insides felt hot and syrupy. It wasn't just your fault. It probably had something to do with the cat sitting on me and the mink blanket and my polar fleece pyjama pants and possibly the 40 episodes of Orange is the New Black that I ripped through in one week. It wasn't you, it was me. I loved you too much. Until you consumed me. I needed a break from you. To find myself again. And it wasn't just me. I did it for them too.
The young ones loved you just as much as I did. Even possibly more. Hell, they probably love you more than they love me! And I am their mother! I mean, you bring them Dora the Explorer, Thomas the Tank Engine, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles! What do I bring them? Broccoli. Homework. Bed time. Who would you prefer?
They were too in love with you. I mean gee, one of the two years old's most used words is "Remote?" said with his hands held in the air, in a "Where is it?" stance. The five year old loves you so much he sneaks up stairs at 5am to watch. Anything. Infomercials. American preachers. It doesn't even matter what.
They needed a break. And as their mother it was my job to enforce it.
So I sent you away. On a Sunday. For a month I said, to see how much we get done. To see how much calmer the children are. It'll be good for them, we said. They'll play outside in the wilderness like kids should, we thought.
We stashed you at the Grandparent's house. In the basement with the other stored paraphernalia of yesteryear. We lay a blanket over you to ease the pain. So we wouldn't have to look at you as we left you there. Unplugged and alone in that room amidst the abdominiser, footspa and vintage 10-speed.
We had the best of intentions. We did it for the good of mankind. We had dreams. We wanted to craft. We wanted to dust off the violin. The guitar. The paints. We wanted to have more sex. We wanted to change the world. At night we said, we'd make magic. We'd be those people who get heaps done and people will ask "How do you find the time" and we'd smile smugly and say "We don't have a T.V". We'd be up there with vegans and cyclists. Just simply a better kind of people.
We were wrong. So, so wrong. We are sorry. We will never ever doubt you again.
The children went rabid. At first they were in shock. Out of habit they gravitated to the couch and sat there staring blankly at the wall where you used to sit. This isn't so bad we thought, at least they are quiet.
The silence didn't last long. As soon as the shock and denial of your departure had worn off, they revolted. They attacked each other with more gusto than ever. They threw toys around the house like a pitcher for the Yankees. By 7.30 every morning I was livid. I was insane. My throat dry from constant yelling, my left eye twitching with stress. Out we'd head to the supermarket, the playground, anywhere. Just out. Unshowered and barely awake I took them out. Well how could I shower? Without you there to distract them, I discovered showering was completely impossible! Unless of course one is willing to wake before 5am (and one most definitely is not!).
The Lover-man and I had had big plans for our evenings. By nightfall we thought, we would be liberated. Finally free of your brainwashing ways. We'd be super productive. However, we discovered that after a long day, all we were really good for at night was to sit down on the couch and....watch T.V! Without you there to numb our minds while we rested, we felt odd, unable to relax. What to do? We were just too damn tired to do anything with our minds or our bodies. So, we sat there, in silence, trying to speak but really just kind of grunting at each other instead. By day five we caved, and huddled together over the laptop we watched an episode of True Blood together. I know. Ridiculous.
By the weekend. We were broken, battered people. It was on Saturday at 5am, when we were forced to rise with the birds, as the children did not have you to sedate them until a reasonable hour, that we said "Enough!" The Lover-Man retrieved you with haste and all was well with the world again.
I am sorry. We were wrong. We foolishly, foolishly thought that our lives would be better without you. We are so eternally sorry. We will never ever betray you like that again.
I am glad though that I learnt just how lucky we are to have you. We always hear talk from people, usually older relatives who say things like: "In my day we had no T.V, we used to play outside in the paddocks, we used to write books for fun" and all that jazz. Well the thing is, they had no choice. If they had had the choice then I bet your ass they would have been watching sweet, sweet T.V. 24/7! I say let's embrace technology! I say let's be grateful that we have the option of jamming on some cartoons and eating breakfast and showering each morning. Why make life harder than it has to be? T.V is not the enemy here. T.V is a gift. A gift that we must strive to enjoy - in moderation.
Sincerely yours, with love...